my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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