Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
