I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
