oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
