my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
