the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The air was thick with penises
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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