So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
