I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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