How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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