i need an iv and a liver transplant
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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