I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize