just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
so let's talk penis.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
