Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
