True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
