i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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