I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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