Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
