I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
