I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
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It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
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I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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