if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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