My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
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Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
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He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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