I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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