If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
