Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
