I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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