Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
