I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
