just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
