I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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