my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
