I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
