His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
