2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
so explain again why im purple
no
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
