My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
