What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
