I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
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I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
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Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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