i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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