And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
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