glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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