I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I hate all girls vehemently.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
