so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
