yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
My hand turned me down
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
