I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
