I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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