I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery