Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
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just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
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Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.