I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
