I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.