I just cut my nipple shaving
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
