it hurts more in the daytime
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
