Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
