A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
