I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
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she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
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its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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