This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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