I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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