I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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