Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
