I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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