whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
