Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
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I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
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Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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