chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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