But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
