Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
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The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
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I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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