and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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