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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
