Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
