I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail