I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize