Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.