Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
someone threw a dead crab at me
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
