You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had