when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
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Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
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But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.