my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
