If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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