The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Randomize
