dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
