I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
